dictionaryofobscuresorrows: n. the unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat, whose tenuous muscular throbbing feels less like a metronome than a nervous ditty your heart is tapping to itself, the way people hum to themselves while walking in complete darkness, as if to casually remind the outside world, I’m here, I’m here, I’m here.
From Swinburne's The Garden of Proserpine
We are not sure of sorrow; And joy was never sure; Today will die tomorrow; Time stoops to no man’s lure; And love, grown faint and fretful, With lips but half regretful, Sighs, and with eyes forgetful, Weeps that no loves endure. From too much love of living; From hope and fear set free, We thank with brief thanksgiving Whatever gods may be That no life lives forever; That...
This morning I checked my Instagram and hit the profile button on accident. This is how I learned that I had more than 1,600 followers. ON INSTAGRAM; the place where I post billions of photos of my sleeping children/crooked face/boobs. I panicked. I backed up all my photos and got the fuck out of there. Sort of. I put a lot of myself onto the internet for reasons that I don’t quite...
Tony had his thyroid biopsied on Monday. They found three cysts and took fifteen samples, five from each cyst. With big needles. He had to hang his head off the edge of the bed in the exam room while the doctor stuck fifteen needles in his neck. He is hoarse and crabby. Pathology came back, though, with that wonderful word attached: benign. Thanks for your good wishes and sweet thoughts.
Save Your Rage
It makes me sad that anger is our strongest motivating force. We become outraged and launch internet campaigns against JC Penney for selling a shirt that says, “I’m too pretty for homework so my brother has to do it for me,” but hardly anyone stops to think about why there is a market for that shirt in the first place. Instead of using that t-shirt debacle to educate everyone...
I believe that we are all good people who do bad things sometimes. I try to be nice and understanding towards everyone I meet. But sometimes I wonder if I am just projecting my own sense of good onto other people to spare myself the disappointment.
Twenty minutes ago, Henry was cradled in my arms like a baby. He was a pain tonight; getting out of bed, hiding behind his door, trying to wander the house. We’d catch him and he’d grin. ‘I have to go pee!’ or ‘I heard a noise in my room!’ Exasperated, and growing less and less nice every time, we marched his butt back into bed and told him in our firmest voices...
Karma Repair Kit: Items 1-4
1. Get enough food to eat, and eat it. 2. Find a place to sleep where it is quiet, and sleep there. 3. Reduce intellectual and emotional noise until you arrive at the silence of yourself, and listen to it. 4. —Richard Brautigan